When have you cried last? In the car? Silently at home in the bathroom? Maybe while chopping onions? Or how about a plane ride? Have you ever cried on a plane?
I have been traveling a lot already in 2023 and primarily on planes. Since the beginning of the year I have been in Scottsdale, Ottawa CAN, in Tennessee, Mississippi, Seattle, and Baltimore. That is a very unusual amount of traveling for me but I noticed something out of the ordinary (or ordinarily unfamiliar?)…
I truly enjoy flying with Delta. They have the best entertainment on-board in my opinion and there is almost always a great new movie in flight (this is not meant to be a sponsored ad, although I wish!).
During my trip to Tennessee, I watched a movie called ‘Devotion’. The movie is about two navy pilots during the Korean war and specifically the very first black navy pilot in navy history. As the movie goes on the two gentlemen build a certain trust and bromance that only a navy pilot could explain and experience. I don’t want to give the plot away, so all I say is that they support each other through thick and thin with all they’ve got.
What is so special about this movie?
…I became emotional.
…I teared up.
…I cried.
To tear up l is still a work in progress for me, not something that comes very naturally. However, in the last 1-2 years I noticed that getting emotional and even crying on plane rides is becoming more and more ordinary for me.
As many of you know I was transitioning out of a 15 year long relationship last year including a divorce. Although it was a relatively smooth transition there is a lot of sadness, loss, pain, and shame that I believe will never truly disappear regardless of how much therapy work one does.
Although I am working with therapists and consult friends for ‘talk therapy’, there are still crumbles of sadness and doubt coming up time and time again, milder as time goes by but it is still there.
Why sadness? Because 15 years is a long ass time and I was just a young adult in my 20’s when I started into the long term relationship endeavour. And simply said, because the relationship ended and couldn’t continue the same way.
Why shame? I have asked myself many times, did I make the right decision? Did I leave somebody behind? (Especially hard for service oriented personalities like myself). And also because I am in my late 30’s and I am single. (yes, I have many friends that are in their 30s or 40s or 50s or 60s that have no relationship, but I am speaking for myself in this text.)
Going back to that plane ride, as the movie ‘Devotion’ was running, so did I start my journey of sitting with my sadness on my flight instead of ignoring my feelings and/or turning off the movie (it is a damn good movie, I could not have turned it off. And it was almost over anyway). I kept going. I let myself feel the beauty of tears rolling down my cheeks while strangers were sitting within a few inches in all directions next to me. I let myself feel into my body and accept whatever unknown feeling may come next.
I felt safe at that very moment, the chance of not being safe is 1:1.2 million (makes sense, right? I’m strapped into my seat belt and planes rarely crash.).
Next, the movie was over, but I was not done with feeling my sad feelings. So I turned on my ‘Emotion’s’ playlist on Spotify (a playlist I created during my separation, a sort of ‘cheat-sheet’ to access deeper emotions when I feel like I want to a tad-bit deeper or just want to enjoy beautiful tunes.). I don’t know how long this whole ‘session’ with my own inner therapist lasted but eventually it was over and my cheeks started to dry up again.
What did I learn? That I can accept any state I am in at any moment. That I don’t have to shut the fuck up and be a man that does not cry but rather cry like a true human.
Let’s try this together…find a comfortable seat. Put in a pair of earphones with tunes that bring you into a comfortable but yet melancholy state. Take 10 deep breaths. Feel into your heart. Put a hand on your body, maybe the heart and/or the belly, or anywhere else. Just monitor your breathing and being/your current state. Observe what is happening. Continue however long you want to go after the 10 breaths. Just let yourself be without judgment and pressure/comparing. Just ride the ride until you feel complete. Thank yourself and tell yourself that you accept what you observed.
Call for ACTION:
- Observe your inner emotions and feelings;
- Can you identify patterns when you get emotional?
- What are those patterns telling you?
- What do you feel? What can you read during your observation?
Interesting stuff I have been listening to, reading about, chewing-on that I want to share with you:
This podcast episode on the Tim Ferris show, is an interview between two of my top 5-10 podcasters in recent years. This podcast starts with going through a weekly, day-by-day workout routine to ultimately talking about all kinds of topics including psychedelics.
BOOKS:
Little Free Libraries, what are they? Simply said, those are neighbourhood libraries that are free and anybody can set one up in front of their house. They kind of like giant bird houses.
I moved to SE Portland last year and I have since picked up a few cool books during my dog walks in the neighbourhood. Today, I found a book called ‘Emotional Resilience’ - Simple Truths for Dealing with the Unfinished Business of your Past - by David Viscott. I will dive into a few pages tonight still to find out what this book is all about.
Thank You very much for reading this and being part of my journey. I would love to hear how your 'Call for ACTION' went. And of course, any feedback is appreciated too.
Until next time!
Peace & Love
Alex